Day 31: Blood Not Required?

Right as I was beginning this writing project in late February, I was in the library returning some books at a local seminary and on the periodical wall I saw a big bold cover article for the magazine called The Christian Century: "God does not require Blood." It was the February 10 issue. I skimmed the article, but I was kind of in a hurry and thought I can read the article again online later. Unfortunately I can't find it on-line, but if I remember correctly, the main jist of the article was that the author, Mr. Daniel Bell, disagreed with the idea that God demands the shedding of blood to justify sinners. He said that that doctrine promotes the idea of redemptive violence, so that Christians today are too willing to ask violence to problems because they see that God works that way.

Now that I have been spending so much time with blood language in the Bible for a few weeks, I really want to re-read that article. Maybe I can make it back to the library soon to clarify in my mind what the author really said, and properly consider and respond to it.

If his basic argument is that a doctrine of blood atonement necessarily leads Christians to resort to violence as a way to obey and follow their King, I would argue the opposite. It seems to me that if a Christian really accepted that Christ took on himself the blood-guilt of the world, that Christian would need to let go of all attempts to put "blood on the head" of another person. The blood-vengeance has been handed out already for once and all.

I have to find out if the author meant his title this way, "as a result of Christ's blood, God does not any longer require blood." Or this way, "God does not, and did not ever, require blood." The first I would agree with and the second I would strongly disagree with. Too bad, I have to read the article more carefully before I go any further.

Just a minute, now, I tried again and found it! You can read it too and I'll respond to it more tomorrow: click this to link to the article

Day 30: Bleed Just to Know

I have always been a bit of an anxious and over-analytical worrier and the state of my fingertips often can clue me in to how agitated I have been in a given week. Nails bitten short is normal, increased stress brings peeled, torn cuticles, and worse is hunting for a pin or needle or embroidery scissors to really attack the cuticles, peel layers of skin off the sides of my thumb and ending up with several smarting, bleeding, band-aided fingertips.

When the song Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls was playing all the time on the radio in the late nineties, I did not bother to find out the name of the band, nor did I ever know the name of the song. All I noticed, besides that it was a beautiful sad song of longing, was this couplet:
When everything feels like the movies
And you bleed just to know you're alive.

I don't know what the writer meant by those lyrics, but I know what those words meant to me. One of the strangest experiences I had during a couple of years when I was floundering in a black hole of major depression was when there were days or hours when I felt like most of me was watching me and my life from a distance, like my life was the movies and I was just viewing this woman Jessica from a safe sofa. I've learned since then that it is called dissociation, and that it is a way of coping with trauma, or getting through a situation that a person doesn't have the skills to integrate into their understanding or model of reality. What is scary about it is the awareness that "there is a me that is watching myself from a distance. Am I the me or am I the myself?"

When that time of illness hit its most intense time and I was in crisis, I had a few weeks where I started a daily ritual that seemed to bring me a sense of release or relief and proof that "I am me AND myself." One day all my fingers were raw and I needed to attack something else and I found this spot on my scalp where the skin was a little bit bumpy or thick or something so I scratched and scratched and tried to scratch the bumpy part off until it was smooth. Eventually I scratched enough so that it bled. And then the next day there was an even bumpier layer of scab to attack and then after a few days I couldn't wait to have a few minutes alone to attack that spot on my scalp and peel off more layers and use a needle or a razor edge and it was like having a hit of drugs when the layer of scab came off and I felt the sticky wet fluid coming out clear or red and it felt so good to see the blood and feel the sting. I am alive! I am bleeding and it hurts! That is so comforting to say and experience when you are in a dissociative state and feel like you are a walking dead person.

I'm still a habitual nail-biter, and my cuticles get punished on occasion, but I have come a long way in finding other ways to release stress and cope with life. There was one other time in the last dozen years since my depression that I attacked my scalp, so I know that I have to beware of a tendency to turn on myself in my worst experiences of being angry or scared or stuck in a corner. That more recent time I wasn't experiencing dissociation and I told a few people I was struggling with it, so even though I was going for blood, it wasn't to prove to myself that I was alive, just a strange indulgence that seemsd to bring relief for a few minutes.

I don't personally know anyone that is caught in a long term struggle with resorting to cutting or self-mutilation as a way to bring on an emotional release, or prove that life is still happening somewhere in there, at least in the circulatory system. I understand, though, that is a very tempting ritual to peel or scratch or cut till the blood comes and believe that seeing red somehow will help the endorphins work their magic.

How do so many self-destructive acts become our self-medication? How can we get so mixed up that we indulge a lust to see our own blood rather than let it be where it needs to stay, inside of us.

Day 29: Blood HAS to Flow

As I have read more parts of the Bible that talk about blood-guilt and blood vengeance and the like, it seems clear that the only way to make things right after a violation is the shedding of blood. It seems like the most serious violations only could be made right by a claim on the blood of the violator(s). But sometimes, especially for unintentional violations, there was a (sort of) Plan B. Sometimes an animal could take on the blood-guilt, so if the animal died, that blood-shed was a substitute for the violators.

A commentator, Rabbi Moshe New, in an audio lecture about the system of sacrifices in Leviticus says these things:

As the animal was slaughtered and burned, the person who brought the animal was supposed to think this: "Whatever is happening to the animal right now, should be happening to me!" If the person is thinking about that, it will move them to make a change in their life. You can't transfer your sins to an animal, watch it die and burn up, and walk away unmoved!

When the animal's blood flowed into the ground, the claim on the violator's blood was given up. Another way to say that "the claim on my blood is given up" is to say, "I am forgiven."

Sometimes when I think of the word or concept of forgiveness, I think of it more as an overlooking of a violation. But in reality, "No big deal" or "That's ok" or "Whatever" or "It's all good" are not responses of forgiveness when something really wrong happens. Forgiveness still demands bloodshed, it just lets the claim on the violator's blood be transferred to the blood of an innocent animal sacrifice. Blood HAS to flow, otherwise the damage, or injustice, or injury, or dead victim will be seen as inconsequential, no big deal, part of a reality where nothing really matters.

Day 28: Blood Brothers

I know I read several friendship stories that had this event, often friendships of boys, but I'm not sure which ones: I'm thinking Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn might have? And I think this happened in The Indian in the Cupboard. But anyway, there is a ritual of bonding or friendship that sometimes people used to do, to declare their unity or love or loyalty or something. Two people would each cut a gash somewhere in their body, we'll say arms. Once the blood was flowing, they would tie the two arms together and the idea was that blood of one person would get into the bloodstream of the other and vice-versa. Now when I think about that as an adult, it seems unlikely that blood would flow into a body at a place where the wound was trying to cleanse and clot up. But obviously it is a symbolic ritual to try to express unity and brotherhood using blood.

Day 27: Blood on the Head

A common phrase that turned up when I did a search of all the Bible verses with the word blood was "blood on their head," or variations like the "blood will be upon you," or "blood will rest on his house." This phrase seems connected to the concept of blood-vengeance, so that every time innocent blood is shed, it "remains on" the head of the murderer until that murderer is put to death. I Kings 2 is a place where this phrase is mentioned often as Solomon is beginning his reign as king. "Blood on the head" is a figurative way of describing the concept of "blood-guilt," which doesn't go away until the blood-shedder and sometimes his whole household also gets "their heads brought down with blood into Sheol." In Leviticus 20, it seems that the death sentence "your blood is upon you" is even declared for violations that are not murder. Here's an example: (Lev 20:9) "All who curse father or mother shall be put to death; having cursed father or mother, their blood is upon them." That also helps reassure the people who must stone and execute the guilty person. They don't have to fear having the blood they shed now put on their heads. Because they are executing a guilty person, the blood stays on the head of the one they are putting to death.

This figure of speech usually shows up as a second or third-person reference, that is, blood be on YOUR or THEIR head. But this phrase shows up once in the first-person when a crowd of people say, "Let the blood rest on us and our children!" That is in the end of Matthew 27 when Pilate (not wanting to get the "blood on his hands") publicly makes a show of washing his hands from any responsibility from the coming bloodshed of Jesus. So the people who had called out Hosanna a few days earlier now willingly take on blood-guilt, if there should turn out to be any, for the death of this carpenter/teacher who says he is the Messiah. There wouldn't be blood-guilt, I'm guessing, if Jesus were truly a blasphemer, only if he were actually innocent of all charges that the chief priests of the temple council were bringing forward. So the people were saying, if this Jesus is guilty, his blood will be on his own head, and if he is innocent, crucify him anyway and we're willing to accept the blood-guilt and pass the blood-guilt on to our descendants.

Day 26: Cup of Blood

from the Heidelberg Catechism (a Christian confession written in 1563 in Germany)

Question 75: How does the Lord's Supper remind you and assure you that you share in Christ's one sacrifice on the cross and in all his gifts?

Answer: In this way:
Christ has commanded me and all believers to eat this broken bread and to drink this cup. With this command he gave this promise:

First, as surely as I see with my eyes the bread of the Lord broken for me and the cup given to me,
so surely his body was offered and broken for me and his blood poured out for me on the cross.

Second, as surely as I receive from the hand of the one who serves, and taste with my mouth the bread and cup of the Lord, given me as sure signs of Christ's body and blood,
so surely he nourishes and refreshes my soul for eternal life with his crucified body and poured-out blood.

Question 76: What does it mean to eat the crucified body of Christ and to drink his poured-out blood?

Answer: It means to accept with a believing heart the entire suffering and death of Christ and by believing to receive forgiveness of sins and eternal life.

But it means more. Through the Holy Spirit, who lives both in Christ and in us, we are united more and more to Christ's blessed body. And so, although he is in heaven and we are on earth, we are flesh of his flesh and bone of his bone. And we forever live on and are governed by one Spirit as members of our body are by one soul.

Question 77: Where does Christ promise to nourish and refresh believers with his body and blood as surely as they eat this broken bread and drink this cup?Answer: In the institution of the Lord's Supper:
"The Lord Jesus, on the night he was betrayed, took bread, and when he had given thanks, he broke it and said, 'This is my body, which is for you; do this in remembrance of me.' In the same way, after supper he took the cup, saying, 'This cup is the new covenant in my blood; do this, whenever you drink it, in remembrance of me.' For whenever you eat this bread and drink this cup, you proclaim the Lord's death until he comes."

This promise is repeated by Paul in these words:
"Is not the cup of thanksgiving for which we give thanks a participation in the blood of Christ? And is not the bread that we break a participation in the body of Christ? Because there is one loaf, we, who are many, are one body, for we all partake of the one loaf."

Day 25: Quenching our Thirst for Blood

So if it is true that it is not just vampires that are bloodthirsty, but all humans, what do we do to overcome our natural urge to shed blood of other humans, whether by direct violence or by our participation in a society that thrives economically on injustice that brings bloodshed in distant places?

What if we, like Edward the vampire in Twilight have to find an alternate blood source in order to keep from shedding blood of others? To me, it helps the "drink my blood" talk that Jesus gives in John 6 seem a little less crazy.

It may not seem strange to life-long Christians, but one of our two holy sacraments is a ritual based on eating flesh and drinking blood. Of course we use bread and wine, but we are supposed to think of it as Jesus' human body and blood. That is strange!

But what if we acknowledge that, like Edward, we are struggling to overcome a thirst for the blood of others, not just our enemies, but the ones we love? What if, like Edward, we admitted we needed a substitute blood to quench that thirst so we would not fall upon each other?

I don't think it was a random reminder ceremony that Jesus put in place. We don't brush a symbolic blood on our doorways, or on our foreheads, or sprinkle it on our clothes during communion, we drink it! We admit that we come to the table as bloodthirsty humans and give thanks that Jesus has given us his own blood to drink so that we don't have to thirst for any other.

Day 24: Swift to Shed Blood

Welcome to day 24 of my 40 day lenten writing project about blood. No I am not dreaming about blood yet, and yes I realize that people who read this might be thinking that I am a bit strange to be having so much fun dwelling on the topic about blood. April 12 I will go back to the cute baby and vacation pictures and nice little family updates.

A lot of Christians who are appalled by all the "bad" people around them tend to whip out and read Romans 1:18 to the end and talk about how God's wrath is going to come down upon all the ungodly and wicked. A lot of Christians even label certain groups of people like atheists, or homosexuals, or feminists, or gangsters as classic examples of the kind of human that God's wrath is going to get. But then Paul, the writer of Romans, who, as a "best of the best" religious leader, also used to keep himself pure and distinct from bad people and pagans, turns the pointing finger around. Chapter 2 of Romans reminds anyone who tries to help God find the bad people that they are under the same condemnation they are warning others about. He goes further to remind his religious peers that their religion and law and lineage back to the patriarchs which they are using as a safety net is exposing them to the same wrath that they are expecting to come only on the pagans.

By the middle of Romans 3 there shouldn't be anyone left who has the balls to point fingers at others and crow "God's gonna get you for how bad you are." Paul takes a huge chunk of another bad news chapter Isaiah 59, to make his point: "There is no one who is righteous, not even one, there is no one who seeks understanding, there is no one who seeks God. All have turned aside, together they have become worthless; there is no one who shows kindness, there is not even one. . . . .Their feet are swift to shed blood: ruin and misery are in their paths and the way of peace they have not known." This bad news includes everybody, and while it is bad news, there is a relief to it. I remember hearing a Marine being interviewed about how psychologically draining it was to do battle in today's urban warfare environments because "it is almost impossible to tell the bad guys from the good guys. How do we distinguish between the civilians and the insurgents?" A lot of people in regular life too get really anxious as they try to prove "I'm a good person," or try to find a safe neighborhood "far from all the dangerous people," or hope their child makes friends "with the good kids." I think that effort can bring a lot of disappointment and frustration.

But the bad news, when we accept it, prepares us to want to listen to the good news which Isaiah 59 prophesies in verses 15-20 and Paul explains in pretty much the whole rest of the book of Romans: "The Lord saw, it and it displeased him that there was no justice. He saw that there was no one, and was appalled that there was no one to intervene; so his own arm brought him victory, and his righteousness upheld him. . . .And he will come to Zion as a Redeemer, to those in Jacob who turn from transgression, says the Lord."

Day 23: Lying in Wait for Blood

Who is bloodthirsty? Last post I said we all humans are. That is a very strong statement. Most of us try to create a reality where only a deviant part of humanity is capable of murder, bloodshed, violence, and the rest of us normal safe people have to work hard to protect ourselves from them using dogs, doorlocks, security guards and maximum security prisons.

But that is a deceptive reality and also an unbiblical reality. The good news of the gospel can only be heard where the bad news is swallowed. News like:
"and there is no one left who is upright; they all lie in wait for blood, and they hunt eachother with nets. Their hands are skilled to do evil: the official and the judge ask for a bribe and the powerful dictate what they desire; thus they pervert justice." That is only part of the very depressing first 6 verses of Micah 7.

News like this about God's chosen city, Jerusalem: "You Bloody City! The princes of Israel in you, everyone according to his power, have been bent on shedding blood. . . .they have devoured human lives; they have taken treasure and precious things; they have made many widows within it. Priests have done violence to my teaching . . .officials are like wolves tearing the prey, shedding blood, destroying lives to get dishonest gain. Prophets have smeared whitewash on their behalf, seeing false visions and divining lies . . .the people of the land have practiced extortion and committed robbery; they have oppressed the poor and needy, and have extorted from the alien without redress." Those are selections from Exekiel 22.

Come on, it can't be everybody? Exekiel 22:30 answers: "And I sought for anyone among them who would repair the wall and stand in the breach before me on behalf of the land, so that I would not destroy it; but I found no one."

That is bad news. That makes for a scary reality, worse than the story book worlds of good guys and bad guys. Sometimes I can accept that, but a lot of times I say, that reality is too grim and gloomy! That rhetoric must be exaggerating how bad things really are! No one left who is upright? Not even the professionals we need to put our trust in? Bankers and Accountants? Doctors and Nurses? Teachers and Nannies? Judges and Leaders of State? Priest and Ministers?

Day 22: The Thirst for Blood

Yesterday I posted about literally bloodthirsty creatures, vampires. In the Twilight book, Edmund is a "converted" vampire, because he is part of a community of vampires who have committed with each other to longer drink human blood. Instead he occasionally quenches his thirst for blood by hunting and killing animals.

One of the main conflicts of the novel is the fact that Bella and Edmund are attracted to each other and want a close romantic relationship, but Edmund is playing with fire because he is so strongly tempted by being in the presence of vampire prey: an attractive woman with deliciously smelling blood.

Possible solutions to the conflict: Manage the temptation as best as possible by self-control, regular feasting on animal blood, and accountability from fellow vampires.

Break off the relationship and stay away from the temptation.

Change Bella into a vampire so that she is no longer tempting as prey.

What if there were another possible solution? What if Edmund could drink a blood that would forever quench his human bloodthirst? What if there were a way for Edmund to go back to being human? This isn't even addressed as a possibility. It seems there is no return to human life for the cold ones. It seems there is no hope for a normal loving relationship with another human. Kill them for their blood or make them vampires too. Or die of thirst. Or be killed.

Vampires may be from the realm of folk-tales and mythical lore, but the stories tell us something true about the human condition. Even if we don't believe in vampires, we can recognize the reality that the human race is a blood-thirsty one. And it is not a few creeps and murderers that the rest of us need to watch out for. I think at some level we have to admit we are all bloodthirsty. We are not far from the conflict of Bella and Edmund: how do we have intimate loving relationships and overcome the predator/prey dynamics that are part of our natural way of life?

Day 21: Bloodthirsty

What a strange word, bloodthirsty. What is a thirst for blood? We usually use this word figuratively, meaning that a bloodthirsty person has a strong urge to kill. But a literal use of the word is a little more scary. Are there people that drink blood, that are actually thirsty for blood? They have no interest in water, or milk or beer, they will not rest until they drink blood?

I found the word bloodthirsty a few times in the Psalms, here's two places: Psalm 5 and 59. (I have to say here that it has been wonderful to use the website biblegateway.com for this writing project, because I have been able to do a word search on blood and find all the places that it is found, at least in the English version I am using. It has brought me to some very unfamiliar chapters in the Bible. I don't think I have ever read or studied Exekiel, for example. Exekiel has nearly 50 mentions of the word blood, so I am finally getting acquainted with this book a bit.)

Back to bloodthirsty. Is it coincidence or not: A book group I am in has selected the first book in the hugely popular Twilight series to read next month. So at the airport yesterday on my way home from vacation I was looking for a book to read on the flight. I saw Twilight and thought, good I can get a head start on reading it. I knew vaguely that was a teenage romance and included something about vampires. I sat up and paid more attention when I got to the part where Bella's friend Jacob explained the legend of the cold ones, also called blood-drinkers, also called vampires.

Talk about bloodthirsty. A vampire is literally bloodthirsty. What a perfect book to read while I am thinking about blood. I have not read or seen the classic Dracula lore, unless you could count the spoof movie which was part of my personal Mel Brooks film festival last fall. The blood-spurting scene from Dracula: Dead and Loving It is probably funnier for those who have already been thrilled and chilled by an old school black and white vampire movie. I have never had an interest in vampire lore, and the extent of my knowledge of vampires is a visual image of a slick-haired man with a high collar cape, two fang teeth and a strange accent saying: "I vont to sahck your blaaahd!" But even Sesame Street has its own vampire, The Count, so I have to admit that the average person probably knows more about vampires than I do.

Well to me Twilight is much more of a vampire book than a romance. I found the romance part of it to be boring, but the thriller part of it to keep me reading till I finished it. And I dog-eared about 20 pages that had enough to say about blood to give me more to think about on the topic. So expect more references to Twilight in coming posts.

Day 20: Blood from A to Z

God did not forget about Abel. Abel's memory lives on well into the New Testament. In Matthew 23 and Luke 11, Jesus brings him up as he is denouncing the religious leaders of his community. It is a very stern rebuke and reveals the depth of anger that God holds against people that use "holiness" to exclude people, or gain honor, or put a load of tasks on people, or collect tithes and so on.

But why does he say this? Luke 11: 50-51: "so that this generation may be charged with the blood of all the prophets shed since the foundation of the world from the blood of Abel to the blood of Zechariah, who perished between the altar and the sanctuary. Yes, I tell you, it will be charged against this generation."

What has this generation done to get charged with all the blood of prophets from A-Z?
How does that figure? It was their ancestors that killed most of the prophets! Is Jesus exaggerating, trying to make a point, or is something going to happen during his lifetime that will satisfy the cries for Vengeance from Abel's blood and Zechariah's?

Day 19: Blood in the Sanctuary

I heard in the news a few weeks ago that a pastor got shot in his own church. We aren't surprised to hear of a murder on the streets, but in a sanctuary? The nerve! Couldn't the murderer show some respect for a holy place, or at least for a holy person? Where is a body safe, if not in a church?

There is a story of a similar event in 2 Chronicles 24. There was a famous priest Jehoiada who had a long life and used his influence to help the kingdom of Judah be faithful to their God. He helped the latest king, Joash, hold a huge fundraiser to repair and remodel the temple. He helped Joash, who survived a family massacre attempted by his grandma, become king. He encouraged the army to kill Grandma, but insisted that they kill her outside of the temple. He lived a long life, then died.

And before long, the newly repaired temple was abandoned as the officials in the kingdom led the king and the people back to other sacred places and rituals. Prophets were sent to help the people turn back, but they were ignored. So the son of the famous priest Jehoiada was filled with God's spirit to say the tough things to the people. His name was Zechariah, and he was killed in the temple. It wasn't a random shooting, it was a conspiracy by the king and officials of the kingdom. It wasn't by gunshot, but by stoning. It was a bloody scene. And as he died, he said: "may the Lord see and avenge!" And the priests and pastors learned then, not even the temple is a safe place from those who are determined to shed blood.

That story is important because Jesus mentions Zechariah and assumes that all of his listeners know this story, I'll talk more about that in my next post.

Zechariah wisely called out to the Lord to avenge his bloodshed, but it is interesting that many witnesses thought they were the Lord's instruments for vengeance. The bloody stories of Israel and Judah's monarchy makes it seem like whole concept of blood vengeance has been expanded so that anyone who is outraged about a death can take the role of blood-avenger into his own hands. King Joash, a few verses later was killed by his servants while he was lying in bed already injured. They did it to avenge Zechariah's death. Into the next chapter, those servants get killed by Joash's son, the first thing he does as king, to avenge his father's death. And so it goes. It is an old, old rule: If a man sheds blood, by man his blood will be shed. But at this rate, it seems like everyone in the palace will die a violent death, either by murder or by vengeance of a murder. How to break this cycle?

Day 18: Drink My Blood

John 6 is an interesting chapter because in the beginning of the chapter, crowds of people are chasing Jesus, and at the end most of the disciples except for the twelve have decided no longer to follow him. What did he do in the middle of the chapter that turned them all off?

In verse 2 a great crowd of people follow him because he is healing the sick people. Then Jesus has to dodge the crowd, because they are so amazed by his miracle of feeding 5000 people, that they decide to make him king by force. So he sneaks into the hills for a while then when it is dark, walks across the lake to catch up with the boat of his friends. The next morning the crowd of people "borrow" some boats to chase after Jesus. They want to find out the secret password to dining at an all-you-can-eat buffet every day, like their ancestors got with the manna miracle after they left Egypt.

But then Jesus grosses them all out. He tells the Jews that he now is the manna. And goes on:

"I tell you the truth, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up at the last day. For my flesh is real food and my blood is real drink. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me, and I in him. Just as the living Father sent me and I live because of the Father, so the one who feeds on me will live because of me. This is the bread that came down from heaven. Our forefathers at manna and died, but he who feeds on this bread will live forever."

Now these people all knew that eating or drinking blood was a serious violation of their religious teachings. How could they follow a leader that told them not only to drink blood, but to drink his blood and eat his flesh. Either he is telling a rude joke, or he is a crazy-man. So by the end of the chapter "many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him."

Day 17: Blood on the Menu

When I was thinking more about the Levitical ban on eating and drinking blood, I was assuming that most people would try to avoid ingesting blood anyway. Not necessarily. Ever heard of black pudding? Another name for it is blood sausage. Or the German term Blutworst. Not Brotworst, Blutworst.

Many different cultural cuisines have dishes that are made of blood cooked with a filler so that when it cools, it becomes a solid. One way to learn more about these foods if you are interested is to read the Wikipedia article called Blood Sausage. Although I love learning new things all the time, sometimes I wonder if I was better off not knowing about certain things. This might be one of them. At least if I ever go to Germany I'll know not to order the Blutworst.

So yes, the ban on eating blood may have been a new restriction that the Hebrew people had to get used to after eating a much more varied menu during their years in Egypt.

Day 16: Bleeding Out

While normal menstrual flow barely gets much notice from women who have been ovulating for years, there are times when we see the blood and cry. When we’re struggling with infertility and have our hopes up that this cycle might have "achieved pregnancy," the sign of blood is hugely disappointing, telling us our body is still unwilling or unable to conceive. When we’re recently pregnant, a flow of blood signals miscarriage. When we're in the third trimester, blood tells us to expect trouble, maybe even endangered lives.

One phrase I have heard on occasion in connection with pregnancy catastrophes was the term “bleeding out.” I didn’t know if that was an actual term, but it sounded really bad. Bleeding until all the blood is out? So I looked up the term to find out more, and Wikipedia says that “bleeding out” is the colloquial term for the official word: exsanguination. It is a very rare way to die.

But what was also said about this term is that it is a method for slaughtering animals. And getting back to Jewish sacrifice and dietary rules in the Old Testament, exsanguination was required as part of the slaughtering process, because Jews were forbidden to eat blood. Even before Moses was writing out and setting up the Levitical codes, this was a big deal. Genesis 9, when a new covenant is made with creation and the human race descending from Noah, God makes it clear that lifeblood matters. He forbids any eating of animals that still have blood in their bodies, and then talks about how he will demand an accounting of all life blood. It seems that respect for the life of fellow humans is connected to respect even for the lives of the animals that are slaughtered for food. Leviticus 7:22-27 warns of the punishment for eating blood or fat of an animal: being cut off from the community. Leviticus 17:10-14 repeats this and gives a clearer explanation why:

10 " 'Any Israelite or any alien living among them who eats any blood—I will set my face against that person who eats blood and will cut him off from his people. 11 For the life of a creature is in the blood, and I have given it to you to make atonement for yourselves on the altar; it is the blood that makes atonement for one's life. 12 Therefore I say to the Israelites, "None of you may eat blood, nor may an alien living among you eat blood."

13 " 'Any Israelite or any alien living among you who hunts any animal or bird that may be eaten must drain out the blood and cover it with earth, 14 because the life of every creature is its blood. That is why I have said to the Israelites, "You must not eat the blood of any creature, because the life of every creature is its blood; anyone who eats it must be cut off."

There are a couple interesting things that I’ve started to think about, and that I’ll be digesting more through future writings. The “because” of verse 14. “The life of every creature is its blood.” I usually picture the life of people as in their breath. But I guess that isn’t so different, though, because the respiratory and circulatory systems are so connected. I took a refresher CPR class last week and was reminded that compressing the chest of a non-breathing person is pushing air through them, because it is pumping the oxygen-filled blood through the body. The breathing we do is in order to put the oxygen in our blood. Our blood is our life.

The other interesting thing is how they were commanded not only to drain out all the blood of the animal, but also to cover it with earth. It seems to show a respect for the life of the animal, by respecting the actual blood enough to give the blood a decent burial.

The third interesting thing is how the end of verse 11 gives so much power to blood: “It is the blood that makes atonement for one’s life.” It isn’t the act of properly sacrificing an animal, it isn’t the prayer, or the repentant heart, or the obedience to the command that makes atonement, it is the blood. Something about that blood. What is the blood doing? How does blood have the power to make atonement?

Reading all the laws and rules that Leviticus mandated for the Hebrew people is strange because the consequence is so serious for breaking many of them: death or being cut off from the people. What has happened since then so that these rules either don’t matter in my life, or they matter but I am completely ignorant of my offense? I don’t even know if I eat blood in my meat. I know that when my pot roast was thawing in the frig yesterday, I didn’t have a plate under it and a pink liquid leaked all over the glass shelf. Was that blood? Or is that just juice? I don’t even know. And back then people were getting kicked out of town if they neglected to drain out all the blood and bury it in the ground. Things are so different.

Day 15: Menstrual Blood

Here’s a fun series of children’s books I recently discovered as a parent: Parts by Tedd Arnold. Parts takes a child’s view on what is happening when he finds lint in his navel, or hair on his comb, or a loose tooth. He assumes that the parts of his body are coming loose, falling out. His parents eventually reassure him that these events are normal and that nothing out of the ordinary is happening.

I don’t recall the title, but I remember reading a book about a girl who was not educated about puberty and thinks she is dying of a mysterious disease when she gets her first period. She assumes she is bleeding to death, and is very frightened. When she finally goes to an adult for help, the adult laughs at her, and without explaining anything, hands her a box of feminine products. I can only imagine how terrifying that would be, to know that a flow of blood is usually supposed to mean something is very wrong, and then to see that blood is coming from somewhere inside of you. I am thankful that I was taught about this sign of maturity in advance and in such a way so that when my first period came, I was excited and proud to know that I was growing up to become a woman.

It could be argued that women might be more comfortable with blood talk and blood imagery, because we encounter blood regularly. From our teenage years, we learn that that sight of blood is not always a sign of injury or disease, but that blood can mean that our female bodies are able to host new life. The blood flow is a cleansing kind, helping rinse away uterine tissue so that our womb can renew itself as an optimal place for a developing embryo, should one settle in. Dealing with a period can sometimes be a nuisance and every girl has a few embarrassing stories from her teenage years. But menstrual blood is normal and beautiful, signalling the potential for new life.

Day 14: Blood’s Verdict

The word verdict is a rich word, when you think about it etymologically. I love looking up words in the dictionary and learning about how they evolved into the English language, what old words from other languages are their parents, and what similar words could be called “cousins.” I grew up on the King James version for Bible listening and reading, and though I have some complaints about how it can create a compartmentalized life, to experience your everyday life in one language and your religious life in another language, there are some benefits to being familiar with that older version. For one, Shakespeare’s language is a bit less intimidating, because King James version language is so similar. Another advantage is having a “bridge” of experience with older words that may enrich the meaning for words we commonly use today. For example, in King James version, you always hear Jesus using these phrase: “Verily, Verily, I say unto you.” What the heck is verily? It easily can be one of those words that roll off the tongue without much thought. But then think about the word ver-dict. “Ver” means “truth.” Ver-ify means to check up on the truth of something. “Very” is used as a modifier before a noun emphasize the actuality of something. To say something is “very soft” doesn’t really mean extra soft, but that it truly, really, actually is soft. “Dict” means “speak” or “pronounce.” We get the words diction, indict, and dictator and dictionary, which all have the same Latin ancestor. So when Jesus was saying “Verily, Verily, I say to you” in King James English, he was saying “verdict, verdict.” We could picture him being a foreman of a jury, opening up the little piece of paper and reading the jury’s decision.

This entry is getting too long, but the idea that I have been chewing on, based on several places in the Bible that mention blood is that somehow blood has the ability to be a witness. If you picture a courtroom where someone is being prosecuted for a crime, the goal and climax of all the proceedings is the verdict of “guilty”, or “not guilty.” Blood is one of the reliable witnesses that will help Justice arrive at the accurate verdict. In that Ashenputtel fairy tale, blood helped tell the Prince whether he had his true love, or a nasty step-sister. In the Genesis 4 murder, blood cried out to God as a prosecuting witness against Cain. There are a few more places that blood has this kind of job, to testify as a witness, and they are in Hebrews 12:24 and 1 John 5:7. The Hebrews reference is a long section telling us where we now can go to hear something spoken, “You have not come to (and then a list of attributes that recall the terrifying Mt. Sinai encounter in Exodus 19) . . . but you have come to” (and then a list of attributes describing a wonderful Mt. Zion encounter.) At the end of the second list is the sprinkled blood that speaks a better word than the blood of Abel.

The I John reference tells us that blood is one of the three reliable witnesses that are speaking this testimony: God gave us eternal life, and this life is in His Son. The blood is giving trustworthy testimony about something we can believe in. The blood is speaking, “Verily, verily, I say unto you.”

I feel like I’m a detective trying to uncover the clues and solve the mystery of why blood is such a big deal in the Old and New Testament. I have a lot more days to think and write about this yet, but the idea that seems verily intriguing right now that blood has been given a meaningful task. Not just as a symbol, but as an actual bright red cell-filled fluid. There is something special about blood, and something special that only blood can say or do. Blood is important. I don’t think it should be marginalized or kept in the closet because we think it is gory, or unsanitary, or uncivilized, or cultish, or R-rated, or inappropriate for women and small children.

Day 13: There Will Be Blood

Of course I had to see the recent movie with blood in the title. It really wasn't obvious to me why the title was chosen for this film, which was about an oil prospector in the early 20th century who persuades communities to let him drill their land. But there was a scene that is relevant to my musings on the topic of blood. And that is Daniel’s initiation into the community’s church. The congregation’s pastor is very dramatic, and usually does some form of exorcism of evil spirits during worship. So when Daniel comes forward to pretend repentance and conversion in order to get land rights for a pipeline from a member of the church, the minister tells Daniel to kneel and beg Jesus for the blood. Daniel begs for the blood, gets baptized, and the congregation starts singing the revival hymn: “There’s Power in the Blood of the Lamb.” Meanwhile Daniel smirks, “There’s the pipeline!”

The whole scene mocks a revival style confession and baptism ritual with the shouting and the kneeling and the water splashing and the people swooning and all the singing about blood. The movie as a whole, however, is more serious in its attempt to set the oil prospector and his crew in juxtaposition with this young minister and his flock of believers. Is the power in the blood or is the power in the oil?

I’m sure many Christians who watch this movie smirk a bit with Daniel while the preacher Eli Sunday is jumping around and smacking evil spirits out of the “wayward but repentant sinner.” We’re nothing like this crazy group of believers, we assure ourselves. We’re much more classy and assimilated to the world around us.

How many of us like to distinguish ourselves from charismatic, or fundamentalist, or old-time religious folks like this Church of the Third Revelation who talk and sing about blood a lot? It seems too old-school, or rural, or yucky, all this blood talk. Let’s be more proper and tasteful about our faith, deal in symbols, values and ideals. We’ll sing and talk about the atoning work of Christ using abstract “-tion” words like propitiation or justification or sanctification. But “washed in the Blood?” “nothing but the Blood?” “there’s power in the Blood?” We’re too sophisticated and civilized for that now. It will just make us look unschooled, undignified, superstitious. Let’s lay off the blood talk. It is sort of a turn-off to the uninitiated. They might think we do sacrifices, or drink blood, or other strange things.

Here’s a musical weblink: you can imagine you are at a camp revival in 1905 and sing along: There’s power, power, wonder-working power, in the blood of the Lamb!

Day 12: Blood and Doves

Most of us know our fairy tale princesses these days through the medium of Disney animators, and everyone expects a good Disney fairy tale to be rated G. A lot of the classic fairy tales are much grislier than we realize, like the Cinderella story that turns up in my Brothers Grimm collection. Our heroine is not named after the cinders in the fireplace, but instead after the ashes. Ashenputtel gets special help with her stepmother’s impossible chores from her little bird friends, and they are also the ones who prepare her three ball gowns for three nights of dancing with the prince.

But here’s where details were tamed down a bit in Disney compared to this version collected from German villagers by the Grimm brothers: When it is time to do the shoe fitting, one of the stepsisters temporarily passes for the Prince’s sweetheart, because her mother gave her a knife and told her to cut off her big toe. She is exposed as an imposter only by the birds who call the Prince’s attention to her bloody foot which is leaving a trail of blood as he carries her off into the sunset. The second step-sister then gets to try the shoe and it fits her because she has chopped off a piece of her heel. As their mother saw it, “When you are a queen you won’t have to walk anymore.” But the birds again sang their song, “Look back, look back, there’s blood on the track,” and the prince went back to see if there were any other daughters at home.

When Ashenputtel gets to try on the shoe and it fits, the two White Doves sing a new song, “Look back, look back, no blood on the track, You are carrying the true Bride home.” Blood tells the difference between false and true in this fairy tale.

The ending is gorier too, more like a scene from Hitchcock’s classic thriller The Birds. When the two sisters show up at the wedding to try to make friends with the new Princess in order to share her good fortune, the two White Doves peck out the eyes of each of them. Would you tell your little princess this story? Is it much too fierce for little ears? Eighteenth century Germans didn’t think so.

Day 11: Painting with Blood

There have been eight plagues in the land of Egypt since Moses turned the river Nile into blood. And now we have a bloody story again in Exodus 12, but blood figures in a bit differently. It is not shed only as a result of the plague, but first shed as a protection from the plague. The Hebrew slave families get very precise instructions from their God via Moses and Aaron. Each family must find a lamb on the tenth day of the month, keep it for four days, and then all together, at twilight, every family must slaughter the animal, collect the blood, roast the meat, and have a meal, and burn the carcass completely. This meal is the first of an annual weeklong festival which the Jewish people have celebrated every year since this night in Egypt. On that first Passover night, while the lamb was roasting, every household took a branch of a hyssop plant to use as a paintbrush and painted the doorframe red with the lamb’s blood that had been collected in a bowl. That doorframe made all the difference, changing things from “through” to “over.”

At midnight, when Moses’ God passed “through” the land, and “through” the houses and the fields of the land, death happened. Every firstborn, human and animal, was killed in the middle of the night in places that God passed “through.” But God would not pass “through” a house with blood on the doorframe, he would pass “over” it and so nobody would die in that house.

Next month, April 8-16, is Passover festival week for observant Jews, and many of them will be sure to read the story of the tenth plague, and tell their children how blood, painted on the doorframes, protected so many Hebrew people from death on a night in Egypt long, long ago.

Day 10: No Jot of Blood

Of the eight or ten abridged illustrated comic-book style Shakespeare plays I owned as a kid, my favorite was The Merchant of Venice. I loved how the leading women averted tragedy in the courtroom and possibly in their own love-lives by dressing up as a lawyer and a clerk and “saving the day” in a day when women were banned from the bar and bench. The climax of the plot and the turn of Fortune’s wheel for Shylock and Antonio happen during these lines (from the grown-up version with all words and no pictures, Act 4 Scene 1) spoken by Portia in disguise:

A pound of that same merchant’s flesh is thine.
The court awards it, and the law doth give it.

And you must cut this flesh from off his breast.
The law allows it, and the court awards it.

Tarry a little; there is something else.
This bond doth give thee here no jot of blood;
The words expressly are “a pound of flesh.”
Take then thy bond, take thou thy pound of flesh,
But in the cutting it if thou dost shed
One drop of Christian blood, thy lands and goods
Are by the laws of Venice confiscate
Unto the state of Venice.

Suddenly, Shylock, who has been appealing for justice according to the exact terms of the contract, and has been calling out compliments to the visiting lawyer who is most exacting, realizes that this exacting lawyer has turned the situation upside down. The contract which stipulated that Antonio must pay back a loan with a pound of his own flesh if he did not have the cash on hand, admittedly does not say anything about blood. Portia has shown what happens to those who urge on justice according to the letter of the law. You shall have justice, then, she says, more than you desire.

So the tables are turned and Shylock is required to carve out exactly one pound of flesh, and shed no blood. If the weight of flesh is under or over by a hair on the scale, or if blood comes out, Shylock has forfeited the contract and will have to pay the consequences.

The movie production that I saw in which Al Pacino plays Shylock, shows Portia as thinking on her feet. It seems she had expected that Shylock would show mercy the closer she brought him to satisfaction of the terms of the contract. But Shylock refuses even an offer of three times the money to pay back his loan. Now Antonio has his shirt open, his hands tied down and Shylock has sharpened his knife. She is stuck. What to do now? Shylock’s longing for vengeance and justice and dignity among his anti-Semitic neighbors has given him the tunnel-vision of insisting that only Antonio’s flesh will make things right. How brilliant that she suddenly thinks to turn the tables by using the very loyalty to the contract that Shylock is insisting upon. Ok, cut, Shylock, but by the way, the contract doesn’t say anything about blood.

It is easy to feel sorry for Shylock, who by the end of that scene, loses everything because of his faith in a world where Justice can only win when a fair contract is written up and the penalties of failing its terms are carried out without mercy or amendment. But Shylock failed to see that Lady Justice is tricky, and she can use “a jot of blood” to turn this play from tragedy to comedy.

Day 9: Heavy Bleeder

The only complication during my pregnancy and childbirth with Douwe came after the birth, so I didn’t take it very seriously at the time. The morning sun was shining, the baby was out of me and handsome and healthy, I was calmly lying in the hospital bed with my pelvis bones intact, so everything was perfect!

My midwife was not as euphoric. She was very concerned because my uterus was not shrinking back down and cutting off its own blood flow like it should after the placenta is delivered. She would come in every once in a while or send in a nurse to firmly knead my abdomen, ouch!, to force out any plum size clots that were getting in the way. I blacked out when I tried to stand up to use the bathroom, so she said she would have to insert a catheter, in case my full bladder was interfering with my uterus somehow. I remember asking her if she really needed to do that because it sounded like it would hurt. She got a little snappy then, and I realized that she was very concerned about the amount of blood I had lost. She said if my flow did not stop soon she would have to reach in my uterus and check for clots manually, which would be way more uncomfortable than a catheter. I said ok I’ll take the catheter. And no it didn’t hurt that bad. A few hours later they asked me to try to stand again, and I blacked out again. But eventually my uterus did what it was supposed to, and by evening I was able to walk around.

So if I bear another child, my midwife told me, I’ll have to have a shot of oxytocin right away after the birth to strengthen the uterine contractions, because I’m a heavy bleeder.

Day 8: Blood Trade: A Pint for a Pint

It had been two or three years since I donated my blood to the blood bank. Life Source would call our house every few months, but for a while I declined, telling them my blood was more valuable in my own body right now, “I might be pregnant,” “I’m pregnant,” “I’m nursing a baby.” But this January I agreed to go in and give some blood. When the nurse came over to unhook me from the line, she held up a full pint of my blood and announced that I had saved three people today. My ever-wary internal critic and orthodoxy monitor corrected this information inside my head, “She’s not quite accurate, Jessica. Nobody saves people except for Jesus, you are just helping prolong people’s lives.”

The whole process of giving blood is quite strange. Any other time a pint of blood flows out of your body, it would be a first aid situation, an accident, an emergency, a trauma. But in the Life Source facility, you look around the room at 3-4 other people calmly sitting on lounge chairs, reading a book or watching TV while blood is draining out of their body.

Of course this is because we know and trust that after adequate replenishment of fluids and nutrients by drinking a lot of apple juices and eating animal crackers, and taking it easy for a few hours, our blood supply will replenish itself and fill back up to the right amount. No harm done.

And we get something in return! A heart-shaped sticker to wear that reminds people that we deserve to be treated nicely today since we did such a virtuous deed. The satisfaction of undergoing a three page exam about our travel and health and sexual history and knowing our blood has been declared to be pure and untainted. The free treats afterwards. When I was 18 I once got a coupon for a free Ben and Jerry’s ice-cream as a “thank you” for giving blood. That was the best. I went straight to Walt’s Food Center to get a pint of Chocolate Fudge Brownie and ate the whole thing myself while hanging around with friends that evening. I deserved it! After all, hadn’t I given away a pint of my own blood and saved three lives?

Day 7: Blood in the Sink

When Steve lived with us, he often spoke of the scariest creature in his life--—Killer Clown. He had seen the horror movie IT at a way too young age, and was always wary of bathrooms and sink and tub drains after that. I was curious to know what he was talking about so I watched IT once and yes, the bathroom scene was the most jarring for me. A child is washing up at the bathroom sink and all of the sudden blood is coming out of the faucet and up through the drain. Many people do not view sewer and plumbing systems quite the same way after seeing this movie.

When Moses strikes Egypt with the first plague—turning the Nile river into blood—every Egyption gets its own experience of the scary scene from IT. Not just the river was changed, but the whole water supply. If a household held its water supply for the day in pots and buckets, they were all turned to blood. If a house had running water, there was blood coming out of the faucet. I turned on my faucet today to wash dishes, take a bath, wipe the table, rinse some soiled garments, brush my teeth, wash my face. I expected clear, clean water every time I touched the tap and that is what came out every time.

Day 6: Cult of Blood

What helps us get a clearer understanding of what Jesus Christ accomplished on our behalf? An article I read a few weeks ago taught me more about the different “vocabularies” used to help us understand it based on familiar situations in life. To name a few of the more common (these are brief and simplistic summaries): 1. Forensic: Language of the courtroom. We stood charged, guilty and condemned before the Judge, and we have an Advocate who steps forward and takes the verdict and sentence of punishment in our place, so we are justified, acquitted, all charges are dropped. 2. Military: Our enemies had overpowered us in battle but we were saved from certain death and brought to a safe open field. A Victor won the war and defeated our opponents. 3. Financial: We owed an impossibly large debt and someone paid the debt for us, credited our account for the full amount. At the final reckoning, we will owe nothing on the balance. 4. Bondage: We were slaves under the oppression of sin and death until someone paid a great price to redeem us, lead us out of captivity, and set us free to serve a new Master. 5. Cult of Blood: We had blood on our heads, and when our blood was demanded to right the wrongs, a Lamb was offered up instead as a sacrifice of atonement. A High-Priest entered the Most Holy Place for once and for all by his own blood.

Now this last one with the “blood cult” vocabulary wouldn’t make much sense unless we were familiar with a religion that involved priests who performed rituals using blood: priests slaughtering animals, chopping animals to pieces, pulling out and washing different internal organs, starting fires, burning animal fat, splashing blood all over, sprinkling blood, smearing blood on ears, thumbs and big toes. When I was a pre-teen I heard rumors that this kind of thing was being done by devil-worshippers at midnight down in Crete by some bridge that you shouldn’t drive near if you wanted to live to see adulthood. I never drove through Crete alone at night, so I’m not really familiar with cult of blood ceremonies, unless you count what I learned about the Levites in 5th grade Bible. I may have read Leviticus for an assignment in a college theology class, but not much of it stuck, because I probably skimmed it the night before the quiz at 2 am. A few days ago I listened to the end of Exodus and most of Leviticus during a long drive in the car, a high quality recording, with different people reading different characters, and sound effects in the background. The sound effect, mostly, during Leviticus, was the sound of liquid splashing, and the liquid I was supposed to see in my mind’s eye, mostly, was blood. The Levites were up to their ankles in blood when they were doing their special jobs on behalf of the Israelites. What was it all for?

If I was second guessing a last week whether it’s overkill (ha, ha) to think about blood for a few weeks, now I’m wondering how I’ve been a Christian all my life and thought so little about blood at all. Maybe if I were killing my fried chicken meals in the backyard like some of our moms did as kids on the farm, I would feel more at home in the book of Leviticus, but right now as I sit in my smell-free, animal-free, generally clean and quiet surroundings, I have a hard time imagining the sights and sounds and smells and sloshings that were part of worshipping God back in the day.

Day 5: Circle-Cut

To circumcise or not to circumcise? Before Douwe was born, Jeff and I took a childbirth class that encouraged us to learn about all of the medical procedures that are a common part of labor and childbirth. The idea was that if we were informed ahead of time about the benefits and risks of various inventions like Pitocin, intravenous ports, pulse monitors, Vitamin K drops, immunizations, circumcision, episiotomies, Caesarean sections, epidurals, enemas, delivery beds and many other 21st century options, we would have a better time communicating our preferences and choices as they were presented in various stages of the delivery event.

One of the more strongly anti-circumcision articles we found likened the procedure to the practice of genital mutilation that is performed on baby girls in far away countries, and argued that one of several questionable motivations for circumcision is that it reduced the pleasure of masturbation. The pro-circumcision articles asked parents how would their sons feel after locker-room experiences of being an oddball, or would his future wife be disgusted, or would strange smells and diseases be a constant malady caused by all that extra skin. Obviously people can take extremely different perspectives on the matter. We agreed that if our child were a son, Jeff would have the final say on this decision b/c he, as a man, should have a richer understanding of the functions, aesthetics, and hygienic care of the circumcised and uncircumcised penis.

But back to the blood. I have not seen this procedure performed, but I imagine there would be a lot of blood flowing. I once saw a coffee table book that satired Martha Stewart themed parties: one event was a male son's birth and circumcision, and the mock menu item pictured was a tureen full of cocktail wiener slices floating in a red sauce.

The procedure became a Hebrew custom when Abraham’s God commanded it as a sign of the covenant relationship he had established with Abraham and household and descendants. Jacob’s sons used the procedure as part of a sneaky and brutal plot to get revenge on the clan of the man who raped their sister. The word circumcision seems so abstract, especially to a female who heard the word as part of religious instruction from a very young age and never really thought much about what kind of circle-cut it really was.

I still remember some National Geographic photos that startled and intrigued me as a child, photos of humans from various cultures that had unique customs for beauty or belonging in their community. Rings around the neck which stretched it very long. Shells built into the lower lip. Some sort of earlobe weights to make long stretchy, stringy lobes. Scar-designs on the chest or face. Bones through the nose. There was always a beauty to the photos, but I would shiver thinking about how fierce those people must be to accept the pain and discomfort involved in acquiring that mark of distinction. Maybe for them, like for the descendants of Abraham, it came down to the matter of participating in the ritual or being “cut off” from the group. I don’t know why circumcision was the mark that was chosen for setting the Hebrews apart as God’s covenant people. I wonder if the bloodiness of the ritual had something to do with it.